An Out-of-This World Zoom Conversation

As a full service blog, it is our mission here to keep you informed of the latest scientific discoveries so you can be ready for whatever the future holds. To that end, we call attention to two recent discoveries that have come to our attention that could have a tremendous impact on the future.

First, scientists have reported a new radiowave burst from outer space called a Fast Radio Burst. It occurs every 157 days, not 156 as first thought, and comes from a dwarf galaxy, not Sun Valley, Idaho, some 3 billion light years away. Sun Valley, of course, is much closer, but the folks there spend too much time lollygagging around drinking vodka martinis and watching Jeopardy to send radio waves forth.

Second, scientists report that there might be 36 intelligent civilizations in our Milky Way Galaxy. It is unclear whether this total includes Earth, but I suspect not because, well, you know about how our intelligence has gotten us to where we are now. The scientists, however, report that due to the time and distance involved in communicating with these 36 civilizations, we may never actually know if they exist or ever existed.

I, myself, have been in contact with these civilizations and I can tell you that the reason they have not come forth to reveal themselves is that they have been practicing social distancing.

While some might consider 3 billion light years a bit much, I am sure that once we reach stage 4 in the reopening scenarios, these civilizations will come much closer even, perhaps, joining us at the outdoor patios for an adult beverage or two. They will be wearing masks for sure but, because they are so funny looking, it may take a day or two for our mask manufacturers to come up with the right design.

Communicating with our alien friends has been made much easier, I can attest, because they have Zoom.

Zoom was invented by multi-headed aliens so they could all get in the conversation at the same time. A problem arose, however, when some of them developed multi-personality disorders. You can see how there could never be a screen big enough to handle multi-headed aliens with multiple personality disorders.

Fortunately this problem was solved when they invented a mute button for the video. And this led, of course, for a mute button on the audio. Things could have worked out much quicker if they yelled at each other, but they didn’t figure that out until recently.

The aliens, by the way, think we’re pretty funny looking, at least me, so it is a good thing that I wear a mask all the time. I have heard them talking amongst themselves when discussing us and they are making plans to drop in on us soon.

Unfortunately, they are aiming for Sun Valley. I have already sent them directions on how to make a vodka martini. But they still need help with Final Jeopardy.

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