An Out-of-This World Zoom Conversation

As a full service blog, it is our mission here to keep you informed

of the latest scientific discoveries so you can be ready for whatever the

future holds. To that end, we call attention to two recent discoveries

that have come to our attention that could have a tremendous impact on

the future.

First, scientists have reported a new radiowave burst from outer

space called a Fast Radio Burst. It occurs every 157 days, not 156 as first

thought, and comes from a dwarf galaxy, not Sun Valley, Idaho, some 3

billion light years away. Sun Valley, of course, is much closer, but the folks

there spend too much time lollygagging around drinking vodka martinis

and watching Jeopardy to send radio waves forth.

Second, scientists report that there might be 36 intelligent

civilizations in our Milky Way Galaxy. It is unclear whether this total

includes Earth, but I suspect not because, well, you know about how our

intelligence has gotten us to where we are now. The scientists, however,

report that due to the time and distance involved in communicating with

these 36 civilizations, we may never actually know if they exist or ever

existed.

I, myself, have been in contact with these civilizations and I can tell

you that the reason they have not come forth to reveal themselves is that

they have been practicing social distancing.

While some might consider 3 billion light years a bit much,

I am sure that once we reach stage 4 in the reopening scenarios, these

civilizations will come much closer even, perhaps, joining us at the outdoor

patios for an adult beverage or two. They will be wearing masks for sure

but, because they are so funny looking, it may take a day or two for our

mask manufacturers to come up with the right design.

Communicating with our alien friends has been made much

easier, I can attest, because they have Zoom.

Zoom was invented by multi-headed aliens so they could all

get in the conversation at the same time. A problem arose, however,

when some of them developed multi-personality disorders. You can

see how there could never be a screen big enough to handle multi-headed

aliens with multiple personality disorders.

Fortunately this problem was solved when they invented

a mute button for the video. And this led, of course, for a mute button

on the audio. Things could have worked out much quicker if they

yelled at each other, but they didn’t figure that out until recently.

The aliens, by the way, think we’re pretty funny looking, at least

me, so it is a good thing that I wear a mask all the time.

I have heard them talking amongst themselves when discussing

us and they are making plans to drop in on us soon.

Unfortunately, they are aiming for Sun Valley. I have already

sent them directions on how to make a vodka martini. But they still need

help with Final Jeopardy.