Checking for Spam

  •      Having nothing to do the other day except re-setting all the passwords I forgot, I decided to do something I have never before done: check my spam folder.
          I shouldn’t have waited so long because there are things in there that can change your life.
           For example, I learned that millions of dollars await me in Nigeria if only I would send them enough money to cover the taxes on those millions. They didn’t tell me exactly how much the taxes are, but if I would just send along my credit card information along with my checking account number, the bank’s routing number and a withdrawal slip, I would be sitting pretty for the rest of my life.
         And while I was enjoying those millions, I learned that there was some cream that would make my skin look years younger. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to be sitting on a beach in the skin I have now, so parting with a few bucks from my millions, certainly was a possibility.
         I do want to send an apology, however, to XXXDebbie from Dallas for not answering her generous offer. And saying she needed a trapeze to do whatever it was she did was not something I was going to fritter away my millions on.
            There was something else along those lines, something “sure to bring a smile to my wife’s face” if I just forked over a few bucks. And in the bargain, they would throw in shipping. I have an ex-wife now and the thing that I’m sure would bring a smile to her face was the gutter guards guaranteed to keep her gutters clear forever.
            I could get an affordable college degree online, which got me wondering if such a thing as an unaffordable college degree was ever advertised.
          With just the click of a button I could get 15 bottles of top-rated wine for 70 percent off. While that sounds like an offer many people would go for, I still have the bottle left from my birthday three years ago.
           There was one headlined “CONFIRMATION.” Being naturally curious, I just had to see what I was confirming. What I was confirming, it turns out, was a button click to stop receiving emails. That certainly sounds like something everyone could use.
           And I got an offer for non-toxic hand soaps. That got me wondering if all the handsoaps I’ve been using to keep the virus at bay were toxic. I pondered that one for a few seconds and decided that my soaps were doing a good enough job because I’ve been washing my hands each time I look out the window in case he windows weren’t virus proof.
           Then I got an urgent notice: “Re: she doesn’t give you the look anymore.” Now, I didn’t open this spam, but I can tell you I know when I’m getting the look.  It comes mostly when I can’t answer the question: “Do you notice anything different?”
              So there you are. If you’re looking for something to do, go ahead, check your spam folder. But I wouldn’t try to cash that check from Nigeria.