Rules for Re-opening a Home Office

Having a home office in a spare bedroom has posed many challenges

since the pandemic has started. Fortunately, being in the right phase of

reopening will mean I will have to take matters into my own hands to make

sure I am not surprised by the Reopening Police when the government

allows me to reopen. To make sure I’m, doing this right, I have written

a Plan for Reopening My Home Office taking into consideration the

Government’s Guidance Rules.

1. Employes (meaning me) who can work from home are strongly

encouraged to do so. Since my bedroom office is very much attached to the

rest of the apartment, I should be able to do this. There are times, however,

when I have headed to the kitchen for a snack and I will wear a mask when

going to the fridge.

2. All employees reporting to work will have a non-contact

temperature check upon entering the office. I haven’t been anyplace in

eight weeks, but I have a non-contact temperature device. I tried it once

and I was normal. Some of my colleagues, I’m sure, would doubt that, but

they aren’t referring to my temperature.

3. Any employee who is sick or not feeling well is required to stay

home. As long as there is food in the kitchen, I am okay with this.

4. A second temperature check will be conducted in the afternoon.

I haven’t done anything in the afternoon for eight weeks, so I should be

able to squeeze this in, as long as it doesn’t interfere with my nap.

5. Any employee who is sick or not feeling well is required to

stay home. A piece of cake.

6. Common work areas such as the staff kitchen, coffee station

and lounge area will be restricted in use. Here, I have a problem.

I don’t know how I’m going to restrict use of my kitchen. It is one of

my favorite places. And if all my clothes didn’t suddenly get tighter, I

would show you a picture that proved that I have never ignored my

kitchen.

Furthermore, government rules state the use of the microwave,

coffee machines, etc., are restricted. Here’s the kicker: Use of these

appliances is restricted to two times a work period. If I read this correctly, I

can only use the coffee machine twice a day. The solution to this is obvious:

I will re-define my work period to two hours at a time, which should keep

me sufficiently infused with caffeine. I once tried to talk to someone who

didn’t get enough caffeine, by the way. He talked so slow that he couldn’t

finish the conversation within the allotted time.

7. All conversations must be held while participants are six feet apart. is

will be a challenge. Since my conversations are held via the internet,

I measured out where I have to be to be in compliance with this.

Six feet from my computer will put me either out in a parking lot or

standing up on a dresser, three feet off the ground. Now, the parking lot

isn’t so bad because someone has just placed a basketball hoop in it, giving

me a chance to practice free throws instead of rolling my eyes at each inane

thought my colleagues have. On the other hand, standing on a dresser

would pose a problem because my sense of balance is not what it was.

On the dresser, I would have to place my feet between an array of

photo equipment and a stack of CDs. One false step and I’m on the floor

buried under a mound of my favorite music. While that would make for a

great picture, I’m not sure my health insurance would believe how I got a

broken ankle.

8. Use of the on premises restroom will require the user

to thoroughly sanitize the restroom before and after each use. This

includes sanitizing all handles, countertops, doors and anything else

contacted. This is not something I would jump on.

Constipation never looked so good.